watching the wind

"Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Matt. 14:29-30

I have noticed a little wind around me this week, and have been very tempted to keep my eye on it, thereby sinking. In this passage, Peter exhibits such amazing faith by climbing out of a boat, on rocky waters, to get to Jesus. And it reminds me that, when we begin to step out in faith, the wind will pick up around us. If the storm were not already frightening enough, Satan will increase it's force if he sees it is not keeping you "in your boat".
The "wave" in our life this week, to which I am referring, is that we found out that Billy will not be an interview candidate for the job that we were praying about. Billy feels that it is probably because he is in law school, and they are looking for a "lifer", not a 3-5 yearer... We know that there must be another job out there, but it is tempting to become discouraged, to look at that measly little wave, and start to sink.
However, that is not what Billy is doing! I have to tell you this, because I am so proud of him. Today, Billy handed me a check for $52, and asked me to put it in our tithe envelope. I asked what it was from, and he told me he received a $520 unemployment check. I am so amazed that he has the faith to tithe from unemployment! We need that $52 - more than you know! So, to see Billy give 10% of the Lord's back to Him, even when we really need every dime, is such a faith testimony to me! Billy knows who provided the money, and he knows that God is able to provide more, and even secure him a job. Giving what we owe to the Lord is worth it!! God is able to redeem $52 and SO much more! I am not sure that Billy had that kind of faith 6 months. So, I am already seeing the redemptive, life changing work that God is doing in our hearts and in our lives through this difficult time, and I should not be at all surprised that the wind is "picking up". Trying to keep my eyes on Jesus - thank you for your prayers!

My sweet sister

Sweet little sister, Corinna, came in town, with her 2 boys in tow, for Father's Day.
I had told her that we could no longer afford the ballet camp that I had placed the girls in on deposit. We had planned on starting ballet fall semester of 2008, I had ordered the girls leotards and ballet shoes from "discount dance", and we were set - when we found out that Billy would be losing his job. Ballet had to go. Fast forward a year and a half, and Billy was employed in his new job, and although I did not think we could undertake the bill of monthly ballet lessons, I did think we could handle the one time fee of a week long ballet "camp". So, I paid the deposit and enrolled the girls, and then we found out Billy was losing his job again. God bless him. So, again, I was planning to tell the girls (who have been asking to take lessons all year) that we would not be doing ballet. In the grand scheme of things - not that big of a deal (unless you are 4 or 6). So, Aunt Corinna would not hear of it, and paid the bill for the girls to do ballet camp. What a sister! Am I blessed or what? I attached some pictures. That is my sister, holding Will, with Emma and Madeleine at the "recital" on the last day of camp. That little camp made their whole summer. It turned out that our friends, Amelia and Delaney, were enrolled in the same week - and it was just such a special time! We feel so blessed. Billy was able to come to the recital at the end (hey, there's a perk to not having a job!) and the girls were just so proud of themselves.
They had so much fun with their cousins in town! We got out the slip and slide, but every party has a pooper, and this time it was Will. Literally. Party's over when someone poops in the slip and slide... But that fat little munchkin body is just too cute, so we forgave him right away.
Although times seem a little tough right now, I look at the family and friends that God has surrounded me with - and My Word, who am I to have a complaint?

Lift up the withered hand

Thank you for continuing to pray for us. I want you to know that I have had "the peace that transcends understanding" and it is because of your prayers. Things are very scary right now, but I just have this peace that God is moving and working out His plan, and it is going to be good!!!! We also have seen such evidence of His help, that it is impossible not to trust Him. We found out about a great job through a precious friend, Michelle. Billy emailed his resume and the lady (who owns a placement agency), called him right away, and asked him to come in the next day. He met with her Wednesday, and she was very impressed with his resume. He needed that encouragment! She said that there would be a lot of interviews for this particular job, and the next person in line was out of town until this week - so we are hoping to hear back from them for another interview. Please pray alongside us, for that job. However, even if this job does not work out - he had a great meeting with her and maybe she can place him in another! Also, about a month ago, Billy met a man for lunch who had interest in purchasing Senior Living real estate. Turns out he sits on a board with Pike, our pastor. When they figured out the connection, this man told Pike how impressed he was with Billy after meeting with him. So Pike called him last week, and let him know that Billy was now looking for a new job in case he had work for him. Turns out he does. They met last week for lunch, and he has some contract projects that Billy can do for him while he continues to look for a full time job. Obviously, we need Billy to quickly get a full time job - but we can see God encouraging us, and we want to give Him glory!
I came across two scriptures that encourage me as I lift up my "withered hand" for all to see. It is difficult to be in a place of need - and for everyone to know it. It is so tempting to just fake it, and act like everything is great - and I am fine, but healing and ministry do not happen when we fake it, now do they?
The first verse is when Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath. Jesus sees this man with a withered hand, and He says to him,
"Lift up your hand" Luke 6:10 "so the man held out his hand, and it was restored" 6:11
Isn't that something? All He asked of the man, was that he lift up his withered hand. Don't you bet that man had spent a lifetime hiding that hand? Training himself to use his good hand and keep the withered hand out of of sight, lest people be disgusted or worse yet, judge him. But that is all Jesus required, that he lift it up to Him, and He healed the infirmity. He did not require a certain amount of faith, or tell him to pray harder about that hand. He just said - lift it up to me and I will heal it. Lift up those withered hands to Jesus, and He will redeem them. There is great blessing in the withered offerings.
The inspired writer of Hebrews says this
"Lift up the hands that hang down, and the feeble knees. And make straight the paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way, but rather - let it be healed." Hebrews 12:12-13
"be turned away" is "disloacted" or "fallen" in other translations. In other words, we can lift up our withered hands and feeble knees for healing by Jesus, or we can continue to hide them and they will stay useless. I choose healing. I choose to lift high my withered hands, and I am excited to see what God will accomplish through my weakness.

He gently leads those who have young.

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those who have young." Isaiah 40:11
My Sunday school teacher, Mike, led us to this scripture this morning, and it was exactly what I needed. First, a reminder that God has gathered me up in His arms, and is carrying me close to His heart. Oh, what a wonderful visual that is for us! But even more importantly, I needed to be reminded that He gently leads those who have young. He knows that financial insecurity and decisions about going back to work are all more difficult when you have young ones. He is not pushing me and hurrying me along, as I grow wearier and wearier. He is gently leading me, if for no other reason than because my young can not keep up. He is protecting all of us, we are under His care. This is one of those "write it down and put it to memory" scriptures for me. When Satan tempts me to fear about what will happen to Madeleine, and where she would go all day if I returned to the school district - I need to speak over myself that God has gathered us up in His arms, holds us close to His heart, and leads us even more gently because Madeleine is young. Beautiful, what a God we serve.
On another note, but still about "my young" - I have to share what sweet Emma said today in church. Now, before I start making her out to be some perfect child - let me assure you that she is not... Even today, after we had a wonderful worship time at church, I came home and refereed so many arguments (mostly that she instigated) between she and her sister that when I was on my walk tonight, I broke up a crow fight and did not think twice about it. I was talking on the phone with my friend Jennifer, when 2 big crows started going at it right in front of me. Since this has just been the nature of my day, I broke up the tussle and went right on with my story. My friend, laughing, interrupted me and said - "Did you just yell "BIRDS, BIRDS!!! Stop fighting!" Why, yes I did, and it felt totally normal to me! BUT, all that naughtiness aside, today at the end of worship service, a pastor stood to make announcements about some upcoming events. One of the things he said went something like, "If you are burdened to pray for a hurting world and the prayer requests of our church members, we would love to have you pray with us at our weekly 7:00 am prayer meetings" And Emma turned to me and fervently said, "I want to do that!" Oh, she fills my heart! (Even if she fights with her sister - maybe we should get ourselves out of bed at 7:00 am tomorrow and pray about that) Attached is a picture of them at church, not fighting. They are my greatest blessing, and God leads me gently on their account.

All things for my good...

As I have been reading back through the Exodus and entrance to the Promised Land. I saw something that I had not considered before. We know that of the original 2 million or so adult Israelites who left Egypt, only 2 of them actually entered the Promised Land, Caleb and Joshua. Because of their disbelief (mostly involving fear of some giants), the others were told by the Lord that they would not be allowed to enter, and would spend 40 years in the desert until all of their generation had died. So, an 11 day journey from Egypt to Canaan, became 40 years.
I had always looked at this event as some pretty harsh discipline from the Lord. A sort of "I am done! - that is it! - that was the LAST straw!" type moment. The sort that I have with my children weekly (or daily). "That is it, you are NOT going to the birthday party!" could have been overheard at my house today...
Just a fed up God. But, when I read the story this time, I noticed something else. I noticed all of the laws that God laid out for them when they entered the land and lived in houses they did not build, drank from wells they did not dig, ate from vineyards they did not plant (Deut. 6:11) (These are some serious blessings, and comforts!) The Lord goes on to say how they are to respond to these blessings - and not forget that they are all gifts from the Lord, but if they do forget and turn to other gods, they will be destroyed. (Deut. 9) God begs them not to become complacent or forgetful in their blessings, just as He begs the same of us today. He knew that if He allowed that original generation into the Promised Land, they would self-destruct. He knew their hearts, and He knew they could not handle that amount of blessing. They even said themselves, that they did not want it, when they complained to Moses in Numbers 14:1-2, and asked him why they could not go back to Egypt. There they were, on the edge of the Promised Land, and they were begging for slavery in Egypt. Isn't that just like me? I don't even know what Promised Land I am begging God to spare me from, because I am so afraid of the "giants" in the future. I would take bondage from a "known" past over freedom in an "unknown" future.
But, look at the graciousness of God. He does not just say "Fine, go back to Egypt - be my guest." He does not even hand the Promised Land to another people. He tells them that He will give the Promised Land to their children. Isn't that beautiful? And now, because of all that their children have witnessed (including their parents mistakes), they will be fruitful, blessed and prosper in this land. What a good God we serve, that even when He tells us "no", He could be saving us from something that might have caused us to self-destruct, and He loves us (and our children) too much to allow that. All things, for my good (Romans 8:28)

Not victims

"As children of a Sovereign God, we are never victims of our circumstances" Charles Stanley
Regardless of what you may be walking through right now, as a child of a Sovereign God, you are not a victim of your circumstances. Whether it was a heartbreaking situation He allowed you to enter into through your own sin, the sin of another, or just because we live in a fallen world ~ He allowed it, and He is in control. This was not a surprise to Him, it was perfectly orchestrated for my good, that I might be conformed to the likeness of Christ. Romans 8:28-29.
When I walk through an especially difficult time, I struggle with the fact that God could stop all this. He sees my pain and heartbreak, and He could rescue me, but many times He doesn't. Some people get an image of a smaller child being bullied by a larger child, while an adult stands watching apathetically. Or a scientist refusing to share the antidote that could cure dying people from a certain illness. I on the other hand, struggle with seeing a different false perception of God. I think that He must be watching me cry over my circumstances and think to Himself, "seriously, Lisetta - you are going to cry over this? Whaa Whaa. Have you turned on the news lately? Have you seen the mothers in other parts of the world who are burying their children because they can not give them clean water?" And then shaking His head at me in disappointment for my lack of faith and gratitude. Both of these views of God are lies from the enemy of our souls. He is not disappointed with us when we pour our hearts and grief out to Him. He does not expect us to be stronger. He knows we are dust. When Jesus reached Mary and Martha after they had buried their brother, Lazarus, (too late - they had called for him when he was sick), Mary falls at Jesus' feet and says "Lord, if you had been here - my brother would not have died." John 11:32. Jesus is just about to raise this man from the dead - and He knows that He has the power over life and death. He does not chastise Mary and say "OK - you know I am Lord, if you would just get off the floor and have a little faith in me - I am about to raise your brother from the dead." NO!!!! The Bible tells us that Jesus cried with her - and I bet you that He got down on the floor with her too! Our Sovereign God, who knows how He is just about to redeem and rescue us - still meets us in our grief and cries with us. He also prays for us! (Hebrews 7:25) He is not watching apathetically. He is on the move in your life. And if we can just hold on, and keep our eyes on Him, even when they are blinded by tears - we will see His greater purpose and His redemption and someday we will understand it all. Maybe even on this side of Heaven. Once the blinders from this earth have been removed, everything will make sense. He is working on your behalf - He is praying for you - and He is weeping with you - He loves you, desperately.

A little background... (or maybe a lot:)

I thought I should give a little background, in case people stumble upon this blog who do not know my story. In July of 2008, Billy decided to return to school, law school. He would work during the day and attend school at night, for 4 years to get his degree. After an initial freak out, God gave me a very clear and direct peace that law school was His plan for Billy at this time. I had no idea then, how I would need that assurance later, when things became difficult. For two years, I have clung to three very clear promises, attached to scripture, that God handed me back in July of 2008. I wrote them down in a little red journal.
One month later, the recession hit and Billy was informed that his position would be eliminated at work. They graciously gave him 2 months notice, which became 4 - and he was able to stay on through the end of the year. I just knew that God would provide a job in that time, and we would never deal with unemployment, but I decided to take a job at a preschool just in case. I thought it would, at the very least, decrease our preschool bill and take one burden off of Billy's shoulders. I pulled Emma out of the little school in our neighborhood, because they were fully staffed, and enrolled her and Madeleine at our church program because they could put me to work. I dropped out of MOPS and then Bible study, and worked the childcare instead. I will tell you, that I was having a pretty decent pity party for myself at first, going back to work, pulling Emma out of her school, putting Madeleine in school, dropping out of favorite activities to work child care. I look back and realize how ridiculous I was. It was a wonderful perfect situation, and we were all in the best place possible ~ our sweet church, Park Cities Baptist. But, it would not be until February of 2010 that Billy would work again. It was such a hard year, filled with so many frightening times of financial insecurity. We were cared for by our family, friends, our church, and our Sunday School class, and I could never fully express my gratitude to them or to God for His provisions - but we were so ready to not need help so desperately. Billy just wanted a job!
So, God did answer the prayers of so many people, and He provided a job for Billy in February. After 13 very long and hard months of Billy being unemployed, I truly felt like my feet were on solid ground for the first time in over a year. I felt like I could breathe again. But, that is the problem when you trust in circumstances - they let you down everytime. The only Rock that we stand on is the Lord Almighty, and any other place that we begin to seek security will disappoint. So, as per my first entry posted on this blog - the job did not last. It was not the answer that we sought. Now, it did see us through 3 months to steadier ground, and I may never know what it protected us from, but it is not the final answer to our prayer of work for Billy. We are disappointed and confused. We praised Him so mightily and gave Him such glory when He provided this job. But, we do not yet know what He has prepared for us, or what His purposes are. We just know, that He does know.
Now, God has called me to the possibility of return to teaching full time. I had hoped to be able to wait until Madeleine was in Kindergarten, but that may not be His plan. I have filled out my applications, and now I wait. I am praying that God allows me to stay at Park Cities. I do not want to leave the church preschool that I love so dearly, and I do not want to put Madeleine in care for 10 hours a day, but I will not throw another pity party for myself if I have to (ok, maybe I will, but I will be VERY convicted about it:) Because God has proven to me year after year, that if I will lay my will down and surrender to His plan for my life, it will be better than what I could have planned for ~ and that is a promise in the Word of God! "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." Eph. 3:20 But, even if returning to the school district in the Fall is what He calls me to, the Summer looks a little like a desert to me, and I am tempted to fear.
I was reading in Deutoronomy in August of 2008 when Billy found out he was losing his job. And it was there in Deuteronomy that God sustained me. Here I am a year and a half later - and I am in Deuteronomy again, and the very same scriptures are holding my head above water. It is not a coincidence - it is the Risen Lord reminding me again that He is Sovereign over all of this and He foreknew my problems and worries. He has provided all I need to walk through it ~ His Word and Himself.
"Do not be terrified, do not be afraid of them. The Lord is your God who goes before you, he will fight for you as he did in Egypt, before your very eyes and in the desert. There you saw, how the Lord your God carried you, as a Father carries His son all the way you went until you reached this place." Deut. 1:29-31 And that is exactly what He did last year - He carried me, as a father carries his daughter, all the way I went until I reached this place, and "this place" for me, seems to be back in His arms. Nowhere else I would rather be.