"you removed my sackcloth...

...and clothed me with joy. That my heart may sing to you and not be silent, O Lord my God I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:11-12
I want to record the blessings from the Lord concerning my accident. He protected and provided in so many ways, and I have come to know Him deeper as a Merciful God.
First of all, the girls were not with me in the car. They were with me 2 Sundays ago on the way to church, and Emma rode with me this week ~ but last week I was alone. Praise, praise, praise God.
Another blessing is the car that I wrecked was our 11 year old Honda with 160,000 miles on it. The AC no longer worked, the locks did not work, there was a large crack in the windshield, and it was truly a "let's pray this car lasts through law school" car. Between the 2 cars, much better to total that one, than the one we really depend on. Plus, had I been driving the Tahoe, I likely would have caused more injury to the girl that I hit. Which brings me to the biggest praise of the whole accident. Both she and I, walked away from our cars. I have spent too much time thinking of what I could have done to another person because of my carelessness, and I just praise our Merciful Savior for protecting her. The EMT on the scene checked her and said she was fine, but she went to the ER just to be sure, and they did find a fracture in her hand. I was devastated when I learned I had hurt her, but praising God that it was not spinal or head injuries. Thank you Jesus. (please pray that she heals quickly.) The police officer on the scene mistook me for a witness when I walked up to him, because he thought that the person driving the Honda must be in the ambulance (from looking at the car). God provided supernatural protection that I did not deserve.
One of the most amazing provisions this week, has been a car to borrow. I never thought I would need to borrow a CAR - but here we are, and I believe that this is straight from the Lord (via the Carll family.) Kendall Carll decided he could not pass up a great deal on a new Suburban for his wife, Brandy, expecting baby number 3. So, 2 days before I totaled our car, he bought a new car - which left a Dodge Durango sitting in the family driveway until March 15th, when he will trade in the car he is driving and drive the Durango again. So, they have graciously loaned us the Durango, and told us they do not need it back until March. Is that amazing? The Lord foreknew what I would do in my sinfulness, and already had a provision in place in order to begin the "redeeming process". To say that we are indebted to the Carll's is quite an understatement. When I explained to the girls, where this BEAUTIFUL almost new vehicle came from, Emma said, "What can we give to someone who is letting us use their car? We can't give anything that is equal to a car!" My sentiments exactly. All I have to give, is glory to the Lord because of their generosity. We will all testify to the goodness of God because of this family. When I told Billy about the offer of the car through February, he said, "that is amazing, because I was trying to figure out a way to get us to March when we will likely get a tax refund and be able to combine that with the insurance check and get something a little more dependable." God's timing is miraculous. Just amazes us.
Yet another provision, is that my Sunday school teacher told me Wednesday night, that several families in our class were pitching in, and the deductible was covered. Then my dear sweet childhood friend, Ginger, came over last night with an envelope filled with the amount of my deductible, and said that Her husband wants to cover it for us. Neither Ginger and Scott or my Sunday School friends will take their money back ~ they both say, if the deductible is already covered, then use it for groceries... so, the deductible was covered, twice. I even tried to give money back to a couple at church today who had not contributed (I thought they had). That was awkward - haha - they were like, "um, we don't know what you are talking about, but we would have given if we had known." Could you just die? Oh, the lessons in humility just keep coming. So, my friend, Cynthia, says that is what I get for trying to give people's money back after the Lord has provided. :)
There were a million other provisions. One of my worries on Sunday was, how am I going to get to the grocery store and get meals planned for this week when I can't even get out of bed? Regardless of my depression, my family has to eat. I did not have to cook all week, because people just kept showing up with food.
I remember gripping the wheel in the middle of the accident and just saying, "Help me Jesus" over and over again. And I now realize that He already had. He had gone before me and worked out a car, deductible payment, and even meals for the week. I am so unworthy, but He is merciful.
The sweetest gift of the accident was being able to see Billy walk in such forgiveness and love towards me. I have put us in an even worse financial spot than we already were. Put us in an even greater spot of dependence, and brought a huge burden on him right before finals. He has done nothing but extend grace and kindness. When he arrived at the scene of the accident, I said - "what are we going to do? I have totaled your car" and he said "we will buy a new car." Just like that - as if we could! :) This week he has washed dishes, done laundry, bought flowers - anything he can think of to show me he loves me, regardless of my failures.
I am so thankful to God for my friends, my church, my husband, my family. God is a merciful Savior - and I believe He allowed me to fall in my sinfulness in order to show Himself mighty. The day after the accident, my friend Cara texted me 2 Cor. 12 :9 "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." ~ Now, that is something I can offer the Lord, weakness... Paul goes on to say, "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Praise Jesus.

Accidents Happen

Is what I tell people, until it is me, and I have accidently run a red light totaled our car, and hit another vehicle. And then, accepting God's forgiveness and grace, amidst my own sinfulness and humanity is so difficult. During these 2 years of unemployment, I have never once felt that I deserved any of the provisions that God so miraculously produced through His saints. I struggled and still do, with the humility required to accept God's help when it comes through another person's sacrifice. It is so hard. But, I have come to a place where I realize that as I beg God for help in my prayers, I have no right to tell Him "how" to answer that need. And, I need to accept His provisions, however He offers them. So, I never felt that I deserved any of the provisions, but after Sunday - I felt totally unworthy of even accepting them. Here, I had failed in such a huge way, and I was so ashamed and so guilty. It was all my fault. I felt unworthy of my jobs at the church or even prayers offered on my behalf. I felt totally condemned. I spent 2 days in an absolute "pit" of dispair, struggling under the weight my "works based" faith.
I realize now, that I thought that I could "accept" God's love and provisions because I was "working" so hard. And here, in this place of total and public failure - I have had to come to terms with the grace offered by His death on the cross. Not only can I never add anything to His payment (which I clearly understood), my failures can never subtract from His payment either. If every day, for the rest of my life, I fail as big as I failed when I ran that red light and hit another person, I still stand righteous through Jesus Christ - whose payment on the cross is enough. Paul said, "This righteousness comes from God through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Works are simply my response to His faithfulness, not any type of merit system. I would never be found worthy enough, because I am a sinner in need of a Savior. But, by the blood of the Lamb, I can stand worthy and holy and even righteous before the Throne of Grace. "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus - He, even He is the One who blots out my transgressions and remembers my sins no more - If I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (Romans 8:1, Isaiah 43:25, 1 John 1:9)
So now, I have a choice. Just as salvation is freely offered to all who will accept it, grace and mercy are feely offered as well. I can choose to live under guilt and shame, or I can accept the Grace paid for by the cross, and walk in freedom. I choose freedom, if for no other reason than to be an example to those around me who are still living under condemnation. I want to accept the grace extended to me, and walk with my head lifted - not because of anything I have done, because of what He has done on the cross. And it is my prayer, that someone else might choose the same through this testimony...

You have put more joy in my heart...

My devotional this morning was about the wedding feast at Cana, the location of the first miracle of Jesus. The wine has run out, the host is about to be embarrassed, and the celebrating will end. My notes in my Bible tell me that to run out of wine broke strong unwritten rules of hospitality, so I assume this would have left quite the black smear on the bride's wedding week. Heartbreaking for a parent.
I love the simplicity of this miracle. I think, "isn't there more important things to do than to provide more refreshments at a wedding feast?" But, to know that Jesus cares about the things that we may feel are not worthy of His attention. I often find myself feeling guilty for going to Him for help, when there are so many others out there with needs greater than mine. And I feel guilty receiving such help from Him, when I know there are others who need it worse than me.
But, Jesus cared about this bride and He cared about her family. So, He took jars used for ceremonial cleansing (legalism) and had them filled up with water, and then turned that water into wine, just so the celebrating did not have to stop, and the family would not be embarrassed. That is a picture of the abundant life that He offers us when we trust in Him. That no request is too insignificant when laid before the Lord, and then offered back to Him for His glory after He meets the need.
And look who gets to be front row witnesses to this first miracle ~ the servants! We do not know who all was aware of the problem. Clearly, Mary, because she was the one who asked Jesus to help, and the servants, because she said to them - "Do whatever He says", and they did ~ and they got to be a part of a miracle. But likely, most of the guests just went right on enjoying the party and never knew there was a problem. They just thought the host saved the best wine for the end. This would have been odd - but whatever!
I want to be those servants - I want to know about the problem, obey when told, "Do whatever He says." And then sit back and watch Him transform my life into abundance, and fill up my empty jars.
For us, the empty jars are financial right now - but couldn't it be empty jars of Joy or Hope or Peace? We all have empty jars in our lives - that Jesus wants to fill up with something better than we could ever imagine. If we would only recognize the need, ask, and then obey.
I will tell you that the Lord has been blessing us lately. Precious friends have been led by Him to help us in the past week in miraculous ways - and I am overwhelmed by the generosity. And every time someone gives to us, I want to say - "No no no, we don't need that! The Lord will provide!" And then I hear God say, "I just did."
It is hard to accept the Lord's provisions however He gives them. It is humbling. But it is His job to decide how He will save us. And it is my job to offer Him glory and praise for the "save".
"You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." Psalm 4:7

That's how we roll

Well, the other night, Emma decided she would like to go to the roller rink. This was not an option 30 minutes before bedtime, so I appeased her with a roll down the street after dinner. Madeleine decided she would join us, which is never a good thing, as Madeleine is not what you would call an "outdoors woman". I prepared for a fair amount of whining about the heat, but thought, "well this might be a nice after dinner roll in the neighborhood." Boy was I wrong...
Emma got suited up in her roller skates and we went out to the garage to get Madeleine's choice of transportation. It went something like this, "I want to ride the scooter, no the bike, no the scooter, no the tricycle, no the bike..." 15 minutes later Madeleine settled on the tricycle. I was already frustrated, and we had not even made it out of our garage ya'll!
So, we get around to the front of the house, and I notice that Madeleine has a My Little Pony (Pinkie Pie) and the motorized scooter she can ride on. I immediately forsee the future - I will be carrying Pinkie Pie and the remote control scooter during our roll down the street - and I tell Madeleine, "absolutely not". To which she replies to me, "No mom, Pink Pie is going to scoot down the street next to me." So, the child peddaled a tricycle while using the remote control to scoot Pinkie Pie down the street next to her. It was such a sight, I had to take a picture with my phone.

OK, so as you can imagine the remote control My Little Pony scooter is not a high powered vehicle,and we are scooting down the street at a snail's pace and it was about a thousand degrees, and for some reason there was a swarm of mosquitos. I do not know if they had just migrated into the neighborhood - but it was crazy amounts of mosquitos. SO, we are CRAWLING down the street, and being eaten alive.
MEANWHILE, Emma is not interested in inching along, so she is skating ahead and falling down (she is not quite an apt skater yet). I can not stay up with her, and try to catch her each time because I am having to keep pace with Pinkie Pie's motorized scooter. So, Emma is just throwing herself down in a variety of neigbors front yards and having a kicking screaming fit because she is hurt/ frustrated/ tired. But, then she wants to get up and keep trying - oh why does she have to be so determined? SO, on down the street we continue.
Then another problem arises. I start trying to stay a little closer to Emma, because I honestly thought I would lose my mind if I had to keep walking at Pinkie Pie's scooter pace. And when Emma and I are both ahead of Madeleine ~ she gets angry. So, she starts ringing her bell on her tricycle and yelling, "Hear that bell? That means stop!" Of course we both ignore her, which means more bell ringing and more yelling from the peanut gallery. Here is a picture of Emma skating and Madeleine hollering at us from behind.

I did get many sympathetic looks from walkers who have clearly "been there done that", and I have a sneaky suspicion that they would not want to do it again. But not me, I know that these are the moments that I will remember and reflect back on and wish I had just one more hot night with my 5 year old, 6 year old, and Pinkie Pie on her motorized scooter...

My two new jobs

Well, it has been a very busy month for me, as I have started 2 new jobs! I just wanted to type up a post sharing what a blessing both of these jobs are, and how I can already see God's little gifts and goodness through the provision.
I really thought that I would be going back to the school district this year, and when I got no calls (or even returned phone calls) from HR - I just kept thinking, "any day now!"
Well, God had a VERY different plan for my year. And it was nothing that I ever could have dreamed up - that is when you KNOW you are in God's will - "immeasurably more!"
I teach 3 year old preschool on Monday, Wednesday, Friday (which allows me to keep my 80% discount on Madeleine's tuition - Praise the Lord!) and then I am an Associate to our Children's Minister, coordinating Sunday School for 2 and 3 year olds on Sunday's and throughout the rest of the week. So, if I start to sing "Jesus Loves You" and do the hand motions randomly while we are talking - you will know why. I live in 3 year old land these days...
Although it sounds like I am working so much more than last year (2 jobs) ~ it is actually so much more flexible and better for my family! Plus, it has almost doubled my salary! Is God good or what, ya'll?
I have already gotten to go up to Emma's school for the "Pastries with the Principal" - which I never go to do last year because I had to be in my classroom by 8:30 every day. I have had some wonderful afternoons with Madeleine because I leave my preschool class at 12:30 on Mon, Wed, Friday. I have been able to rejoin Bible Study on Thursday mornings, such a source of encouragement and growth, that I missed desperately last year. And I will get to start having lunch with Emma on Thursdays also - which I never got to do last year. On top of all of that, I have also been able to bless another precious family by picking up their daughter from her school a few days a week, so that the mother does not have to drag 2 babies through the car pool line during their nap time. And you know that God has been gracious to you, when He pours so much in your cup that it spills over onto another!!! After being given so much by so many, it is a delight to be able to do a little giving myself!
Plus, I love both of my jobs! I love my children and the parents, I love both of my bosses, I love my new teaching partner - and I love the gals I work with in the children's ministry. I love having Madeleine in our wonderful church preschool. She has my precious friend, Brandi, as her teacher and Madeleine is crazy about her, and having a wonderful year. I mean, God has BLESSED this situation!
I want to share with you the scripture that God gave me on my first day of my new jobs.
"The Lord will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete." Deut. 16:15
Isn't that something? I felt like that verse was written just for me to read on that day! To be told by the Lord that He will bless all my harvest - my 3 year old harvest in my classroom, my 2 and 3 year old harvest of Sunday School children, and my little harvest here in my own home ~ and that He will bless all the work of my hands, is truly amazing. But in His goodness, He gives even more (abundantly more) and also promises that my joy will be complete. Well, it is complete. I have very busy days - and weariness by the end of the day - but I am so filled with thanksgiving and joy for the Lord.
He is faithful - and His plan is best! Thank you for continuing to pray for my family. Please be encouraged that Heaven hears those prayers, and He is answering them. I am indebted to you each.

The Beach

We just returned home from the beach. My girls had never been to the beach, and I would never have thought we would get to go this year! What an unexpected blessing from God! Our sweet friends, the Darwins, rented a beach house in Surf Side that slept 10 - and had plenty of left over space. So they asked us if we would like to join them on their vacation! Can you believe it? All we had to do was drive down there! Billy could not go because his classes started on Monday, so I just took the girls. We missed him terribly, but I am so glad that they got to experience the ocean - and with their friends, Amelia and Delaney, such fun!


As you can see, we went crabbing (a new experience for me and my girls. We caught about 10 blue crab. Emma even caught one, bless her heart. I thought I was going to have to dive down in that dirty water and stick a crab in her net if she didn't... Everytime she pulled it up empty she would sigh and say "I still haven't caught ONE crab!" in the most pitiful voice. When she finally caught her crab, we were all like - "whew, we can leave now."

Ok - so there is Amy's dad holding Emma's crab.
The girls had a wonderful time digging in the sand and playing in the ocean.


And I soaked up the sound of the waves, the beauty of the horizon, and every sunset or sunrise we had. Just marvelous to be in a place where you can better witness God's majesty.

As I stared out over the ocean, the scripture that kept coming to my mind was "and the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters." Gensis 1:2. And I tried to imagine the Spirit of the Lord hovering over the entire expanse of what I could see. Almost like a blanket covering the surface of the waters. Can you imagine how large He is to do that? I can't. And then of course, I am only able to see a tiny portion of the vastness of the entire ocean. And then of course, this scripture is before God created land so there is His Spirit, hovering over the entire world. All of it, at the same time. Just as right now He hovers over me, and He hovers over you. We are totally covered by His protection and love, regardless of what our circumstances look like. He is able to handle any heartache, any problem, any sin. He is big enough.
I think I needed to see the ocean this summer to be reminded of the hugeness of the God I serve. Thank you Darwins, thank you Lord.

A note of gratitude

"For you are a people, holy to the Lord your God and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for His treasured possession, out of all the people who are on the face of the earth." Deuteronomy 14:12
My Summer Bible Study group just finished, One In A Million by Priscilla Shirer. It was awesome. I had the great privilege of facilitating the group. It was a simple job - because Priscilla Shirer did all the teaching, I just led our discussion. There was not a week that I was not inspired and encouraged by the passion for the Lord that these young women exhibited. It was just an incredible study with an incredible group of women. I want everyone to know how grateful I am for your transparency and honesty in our discussions. The Lord was glorified and honored every single week, and it was a Holy place. Thank you.
But mostly, I need to thank you, and thank the Lord, for the gift that you gave me on the last week. The envelope contained $440 in cash. I am sorry that I was so overcome by my emotions, and I hope I did not seem ungrateful. Accepting money, when you need it, is very difficult. I don't know why that is. I suppose it has something to do with knowing that you can not reciprocate the gift you are receiving. As long, as I can give something of equal value back to the giver, I am very comfortable receiving. But, when I know that I have nothing of this value to give in return, it is so humbling, and so hard. Yet, it is at the core of the Christian faith. Receiving a gift of forgiveness and eternal life through a crucified Savior, while we were still His enemies. No amount of good works could ever reciprocate. The only option is to accept the gift with gratitude and live in such a way that we pass the gift on to as many hurting people as we possibly can. That we do not allow one day to go by without meditating for a moment on how unworthy we are, yet He made us "His treasured possession" anyway. Thank you Jesus. So, what I am learning, during this season of receiving is really a spiritual discipline. It is a laying down of my pride, and accepting the Lord's provisions however He might give them, be it through a job for my husband and thereby a paycheck - or be it through the sacrifice of my friends in a gift.
I know that any amount given was a sacrifice, and I pray that the Lord returns the blessing to you and your family seven fold.

So, the girls have not been to the dentist since last year's bible study gave a gift that allowed me to take them. Well, I called the dentist, and what do you know - there is a cancellation for tomorrow for 2 appointments. After 10% is given back to the Lord, $344 will cover the girls appointments in the morning. And barring any cavities or unexpected dental work - we should have $52 dollars left over! Which would take care of a new inhaler for Emma, with her asthma. So, we will see about how the appointment goes! This is such a praise because I am having a bit of a panic attack about Emma's big girl teeth.

If you notice, those big girl teeth are coming in BEHIND her baby teeth, and the baby teeth do not appear to be going anywhere! So, it is high time for Dr. Plunk to take a peek, and maybe a "pull"?? None the less, this sweet face

will soon look different.
Thank you, my sweet sisters in Christ! I will miss seeing you each Monday!